Why am I Here?

“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

 

About ten months ago, I realized I needed to just suck it up and find somewhere to begin taking yoga classes regularly. I had taken a few classes when my husband was stationed at Fort Bliss, TX at one of the post gyms and was very much intrigued by them. I loved the teacher, an older man with white hair and a white beard and what seemed like an endless supply of Grateful Dead t-shirts. I may have gone to half a dozen classes, each time feeling like I was getting more and more out of yoga. Then one day, he was gone. A new teacher was leading the class, but my heart was broken and I could not bear the thought of taking a class from someone else. I never went back. That was twelve years ago.

These last ten months (mostly) have found me in class regularly, and at a time when I truly needed some clarity and calm in my life. I feel like my yoga practice has brought me through some incredibly difficult parenting moments and has enabled me to navigate the rough waters with way more buoyancy than I had this time last year. I say mostly because I did take a break due to what I perceived to be obligations and during that time, I suffered a vertical tear in my Achilles tendon. That injury, surprisingly, drove me back to class.

It might seem odd that what others think is just some poses and stretching would be so emotionally valuable to me, and were this many years ago, or even just one, I might agree. However, what yoga has given me is the opportunity to stitch together my physicality and my mentality, something long neglected in a career mom and self-employed work at home wife. I am just like everyone else, stuck on the hamster wheel running and running and running nowhere, beside those I love, who are also running and waiting for the day we can finally get somewhere else. Someday.

What I have found in class, on the mat, is that I am giving myself permission to hop off the wheel. I need it to be OK to engage and reengage in life. Real life, the one where I can stop worrying about how much speed I am gaining and catch my breath a little. Breathe in. And a little more. Hold it. Breathe out and know I am breathing out.

This is us! My husband and I at the Ordnance Ball a few years ago. I love this picture of us!

 

 

*Stacie is a student at Begin Within Yoga and Wellness. She is a wife, mom, cancer survivor, small business owner, and dog lover. She loves sports, talk radio, and cookies.