What happens when people open their hearts? They get better. ~ Haruki Murakami
This morning was a rough one. I had a really hard time getting up, and if I am being honest, I absolutely did not want to. Our summer was long and the autumn has crept in swiftly, and the chill in my house this morning was so delicious that getting out of the bed just plain hurt my feelings. My plan all along was to go to my usual class at The Big Red Barn at 9:00. A slight change of plans completely threw me off and I was late, but I showed up.
Ginger has had some substitute teachers for us this week while she takes a much needed break, and to be honest, I have been skeptical. I tend to get stuck in my ways. I want my yoga teacher. I like my yoga class. I might like it more if it were at oh, say noon or later, but whatever. And, I can talk myself out of things pretty dern quickly. But, I showed up.
Six minutes late, to be exact, but I did show up. Old me would have driven by and waved at the building if I were that late, but something inside me has come to crave Monday mornings at the hut.
Class had already begun and I wound up on the mat directly in front of our sub. Gah, remember in school, having to sit immediately in front of the teacher? That was rough, and it was today, too. But I did it.
I picked up where the class was and we carried out an energy boosting kriya (it was like Julie, the sub, knew I was coming, y’all). There was some breath of fire, some core strengthening, and then, the arms. What’s up with the arms, kids? Anything requiring me to sustain raised arms over four seconds makes me want to silently weep. But, yes, I did it.
So, we were not far from wrapping things up and I had lived and successfully done most of the postures (the little froggy pose is still hard on my torn Achilles, so I did some gentle squats) when Julie asked us to grab our blocks. She had us place them on the mats and then lie on the blocks with the middle of our backs.
Umm, yeah, pretty sure I saw the Grim Reaper, there. I kinda thought I might die a little. Or a whole freaking lot. But, cross over, I did not. I made it. I was miserable during, but afterward, whoa, Nellie!
Yoga has taught me a lot about myself. I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself, to shut up sometimes, that I am probably not going to die even when I think I will, that a pose is just a pose (it does not hate me, although I cannot reciprocate the sentiment), and that often times, I need to embrace some suck so I can enjoy when that suck goes away.
That is what happened this morning. Today, that block on the back of my rib cage could have done me in. I could have quit. Believe me, I wanted to quit. It was super sucktacular. But I laid there, like Julie asked of me, and I pulled in that air. It hurt but I focused on removing thoughts from my mind. And then, when we were instructed to gently return to easy pose and I did, the open sensation I felt in my back was exhilarating!
I like those little changes happening inside of me, when I just do it.
*Stacie is a student at Begin Within Yoga and Wellness. She is a wife, mom, cancer survivor, small business owner, and dog lover. She loves sports, talk radio, and cookies.